Octomonster

I'm watching Octomom on Dr. Drew right now and wondered what you think!

______________________________

Robin C says: Well, it seems to me that the woman has spent a lot of time doing the media rounds admitting she screwed up and that she's sorry. I think it's time to give her a break. 14 kids? Hasn't gotten laid in 12 years? Punishment enough.

* * * * *
Robin A. says: My thoughts? Honestly?

Better her than me.

Rainbow Brite

Dear Robins,

Where do rainbows come from?
________________________________

Robin A. says: A rainbow is the result of the Sun's rays reflecting off water droplets/moisture in the air. A double rainbow? Double reflection.

My mom always said it was God keeping his promise not to end the world by water again.

Either way who cares. Enjoy the beauty and don't over think it.

* * * * *

Robin C says: Leprechauns.

Here's to Your Health

Do you have a good recipe for a healthy snack you might want to share? I need to cut back on junk and love to munch so the easier to make the better.

Hungry Hippo
__________________________

Robin A. says: Kale chips. Best thing ever: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8070983/best_ever_kale_chips.html?cat=22


I have a gajillion healthy snack ideas but I can't give away all my secrets (you'll have to wait for the cook book!) How about peanut butter and celery?


* * * * *
Robin C says: I eat ice. No calories, easy recipe and refreshing on a hot day.

Of the Flesh

Hey Robins,

I have been morally opposed to eating meat for going on 5 years now. But recently, I met a romantic interest who I am really into. The only thing is he is an outdoorsman and big time carnivore. And the more I like him, the more I think that my vegetarianism is just a joke. I am wondering if I can put my morals aside to see where this leads or am I just overdoing this whole animal flesh thing. Any help is appreciated!

Veggie in VA
___________________________

Robin A says: Choosing not to eat animals is a personal choice. Your "morals" are not so strong if you are already questioning them.

Eating animals raised in uncrowded and abusive conditions, their purpose solely to kill for human consumption is one thing... having fresh shrimp or venison caught by the hands of your new love interest is another.

This is something you need to decide on your own. It may be permissible now, but 5 years down the road is his gutting that trout going to send you over the edge? You realize eventually you WILL be cooking the dead animals for him, right? 

The right guy for you will fit perfectly into your lifestyle.

* * * * *

Robin C. says: Replace the words "animal flesh" with "human flesh". Still hungry?
Why should he care what you are eating?

Wash it Off

I have been having somewhat of a long distance relationship with someone on and off for 3 years. They live in another country (I would be moving there if everything worked out) and every time it is time for him to come visit, he sells out.

His excuse is "he likes me too much" and is afraid when we finally meet I will not like him as much as I do now.

He also texts "I love you" to me (words he does not throw around easily) and said he has pushed other women away for me and he just got in a fight with one because of me.

Is he just a spineless prick who loves in the moment or do you think he is really afraid of me being "the one"?

Tired of Waiting
_________________________

Robin A says: Run.

Run long. Run fast. Run hard.

Life's too short to wait around for an idea and this winner is obviously afraid to commit.
Not to mention, what sort of circumstances would he have allowed himself to get in where other women are "upset" about you? Seems you're not the only one he's leading on... 

Look around you, I am sure there is someone just as amazing right in your own back yard... and I hear the US has better hygiene practices anyway.

* * * * *

Robin C. says: I'm willing to bet ya that he is a 400lb woman named Bertha.

The Robins Updates

Thank you all for your questions!

We semi-sincerely hope we help, if not by solving your problems, at least by helping you to view them from a different perspective.

 Life's too short to sweat the small stuff.

More answers soon (we have a couple in the queue but enjoy testing your patience)... keep those questions coming!

Much Love,
The Robins

Line up

Dear Wobin,

Do you think a guy can date a girl taller than him?

Anonymous
* * * * *

Robin A says: Been there, done that. If you're comfortable with yourself it shouldn't matter.

I've dated a guy shorter than me in the past. We did not break up because of his height. :)
Would I date someone shorter now? I doubt it. But hey, that's my hang up and you never know.

Ask her to wear flats. If it still bothers you she's not the one.

If it bothers her, you're not the one.

No biggie.

* * * * *

Robin C. says: Hey, when you are laying down, all the important stuff will line up. ;)

Race, sexual orientation, religion, height - so on and so forth don't matter - in bed.

Besides, aren't super models like 7'11" anyway?

De-Leeching

My sister is dating a douche bag. He doesn't appreciate her for the amazing person that she is and treats her like crap. How do we rid her of this parasite without her hating me in the end?
________________________________

Robin A says: Well if he's that big of a douche it shouldn't take her long to figure it out on her own.

Have you tried telling her how you feel? Maybe being open and honest in a tactful way will help her take a step back and see what you see. If she gets pissed she'll get over it, you're family.

Put the douchebag in situations that bring out the worst in him when she is around and why not try introducing her to other guys you think are more deserving of her? How much dirt do you have on this guy and how much more can you dig up?

If all else fails I hear wood chippers can be fun...

* * * * *
Robin C. says: Just be careful not to alienate her. If you say anything she might get defensive and want him more.

I agree with Robin A. Introduce her to some better guys and check out the price on wood chipper rentals.

What's Good for the Goose

My girlfriend (we have been dating for 4 months) started talking about possibly having an "open relationship." I'm not crazy about this idea. How do I tell her that I want to be exclusive without pushing her away?
________________________________

Robin A says: Why would you want to keep her?
Anyone who says they want to have an "open relationship" are obviously not ready to commit.
Not to mention it's only been 4 months... that's a drop in the well in the grand scheme of things.

I'm sure there is someone out there that would be happy dating you exclusively, look at this as an opportunity to find that person and still get some ass until then.

Take someone else out on a date and see how she likes it. If she still wants to whore around then more power to her but I'd dump her now and beat her to the punch. If you're anything like me, you won't share well with others.

* * * * *

Robin C. says: Not too much I can add to my friends advice other than "Dude, fucking run!"

If I were you (a man with a penis)- I wouldn't touch that with a rented one (penis). Do you really want sloppy seconds? (OMG! Or 3rds, 4ths, 5ths??)

If she is looking for an open relationship, not only is she not that into you, she could be using you for whatever. It could be just so she's not alone to having you pay for shit or whatever.

She's not the only clam in the sea. Look around for someone that deserves you. You owe that to yourself - and your penis.

Timing is Everything

There is a girl that I have been crazy about for over a year now, but up until about 2 weeks ago, she had a boyfriend. She is still pretty bummed about the split. How long should I wait to make my move?
_________________________________

Robin C. says: Depends on what your move is. If it's "three people to the left away from her" - then I say do it immediately. She is the one that just broke up with someone and if she's interested, she'll make the first move on you.


Don't set yourself up for a heartbreak. Be her friend, not her stalker. 

***********
Robin A says: You realize right now she is going through the rebound period.

That means the next person to catch her eye will most likely be a short romance filled with lots of great sex and pretty much nothing more. 

If that's all you're looking for jump on that quick, but if you're looking for more you might want to remain just a friend for now. Have you told her how you feel? I would be honest with her now but not pushy... then let everything happen naturally.

Rejection is a bitch but regret is her whore. (feel free to quote me)

Please Don't Die

What does a person do about high blood pressure?

Thanks,
Bloody Mary
_______________________

Robin C. says: Sees a doctor before they drop dead?

* * * * * 
Robin A says:  One very important thing you can to to help you high blood pressure is control your hypertension. 

For more information you can visit WebMD here: http://www.webmd.com/hypertension-high-blood-pressure/guide/hypertension-treatment-care

Keep in mind we are not doctors nor do we portray one. You should always seek medical advice from a medical professional. If I were a doctor I sure as hell wouldn't have time for a blog.

Stinkle-ton

What do you do when a person smells badly of body odor and that person happens to be your boss?! Everyone who happens to walk by the person's office can smell and noone has said or done anything! Human resource is just a couple of doors away from the smell. They have to walk by the office to use the copier or fax machine and actually go in and talk about who knows what! No one will do anything because of getting fired in the bosses department and human resource must have a smellin problem...

Please advise...............Perfume
__________________________________

Robin C. says: Oh, a stinky situation. I think you should sneak a couple of ultra-strong, nearly prescription-strength deodorant sticks onto his/her desk with a note that reads "Dude, you're causing blindness with your BO but we don't want to hurt your feelings. But honestly man, we've smelled pig stalls fresher than you. Sincerely, Flies on the wall."

Or you could be straight up with him/her, walk into his/her office and very innocently say "Oh, do you smell that?"

* * * * * 
Robin A says:   Talk about a hostile work environment.

Honestly, I don't think you are responsible for handling the situation. I would write Human Resources as an "unidentified odor victim" and tell them to handle it. Ask them to treat it like any other offensive material in the work place, for example foul jokes or language, offensive t-shirt sayings, etc.

On the other hand it sounds like HR are total pussies and either don't want or don't know how to handle the situation in a tactful manner. Unless there is a religious or medical reason for the stench, it is unacceptable. 

How about all the employees pitch in and buy them a gift basket of bath products?
Or start hanging little pine trees around their desk...

Let it Go

My friend had a break up some time ago and she can't seem to get over it. I know she still stalks the ex on Facebook even though she says the ex is blocked. Any suggestions on how to help her get past this before everyone around her goes insane?
_______________________________________

Robin A says: Facebook is evil, plain and simple.

Remember how much easier break ups were before social sites came along? Maybe you don't... but I sure do. There was no texting, emailing, tweeting... you had to man up, pick up the phone and talk one on one... or wait until school the next day and confront your soon-to-be ex with the news. If you wanted to stalk someone you waited outside their house or work or school... it was much more complicated and inconvenient enough to deter most from going the psycho route.

We've all been through break ups and they are never easy, but continuously feeding herself information about the ex is NOT healthy and prolongs what obviously should have been over some time ago. There's a reason they're your ex...

Tell her this is life and in life people break up every day. Pick yourself up, scrape yourself off, walk away and never look back. You only live once and you should be living for you. Have some personal pride!

Simply put: The hardest part about breaking up is getting used to being alone again.

* * * * *
Robin C. says:Adding to that, get her laid! ;)

Tipped Off

A guy asked me out to dinner and I accepted. When it was time to pay the bill he asked me to cover the tip. Should I have to pay anything since he's the one who asked me out?

Ripped Off in Rhode Island
________________________________

Robin A says: Are you kidding me?!? No. You should not have to pay anything if he asked you out.

Ask him out and when it's time to pay, excuse yourself to the "ladies room" and leave him there with the bill.

* * * * *
Robin C. says:
What.
A.
Douche.

Call him and ask him when he'll be able to afford to pay you back. You shouldn't have to pay anything unless it was agreed on before-hand. (He didn't get "dessert" later, right?)

Stork Issues

How do you explain to a child where babies come from?
____________________

Robin A says: Don't they have videos for that? Why put yourself in an awkward situation.

Tell them to ask someone else.

* * * * *
Robin C. says: Babies come from a mystical, magical place called the hospital.

Honestly, it took me three trips there to figure it out.

What's Mine is Mine

So, I want to know your opinions, oh those with sage advice who are not emotionally invested in the situation...

A friend did something on Facebook that could not be undone without a lot of emails and (as a last resort) reporting the content as my intellectual property (which I didn't do because I was afraid they'd boot this friend off Facebook). I was mad, because it basically left me as a sitting duck for anyone who searched the information. Let's just say I have privacy issues.

Anyway, in my frustrated state, I posted about the inability to get anyone at Facebook to fix said situation and posted about it on my wall to warn others about this issue. I didn't name names. I also blogged about it, because it seriously is a major problem if using the normal contact means don't work. In my anger, I also blogged about it, again not naming names, because it really was a safety concern for me.

Throughout it all, I never named the guilty party, in fact, I took great pains to NOT name the friend.

She sent me an angry email that she'd said she was sorry and was also trying to get this issue fixed (it was going on for a month.) I found it strange that Facebook finally corrected the issue after I reported it as my intellectual content (which is not really the right way to code it, but it worked, so I'm not quibbling).

Was I wrong to write about it? I don't want others to have the same thing happen to them, which is why I wrote about it. It made me angry because it was done without my permission, but this friend seems to think that saying I'm sorry is enough for me not to be mad.

What are your thoughts?
__________________________

Robin C. says: No, not wrong at all. Nobody has the right to invade you like that at all. It's like being cyber smacked. Sounds like she needs a finger-flick between the eyes.

* * * * *

Robin A. says: Ohhhh. Copyright infringements are unacceptable. ALWAYS. I can absolutely relate to your anger and this person needs to realize it's like having a one night stand in an alley and left to feel dirty and used.

It amazes me how many people think they can re-post/use your work without telling or asking you just because they know you.

In her defense, if you are not a writer, artist, etc. you may be unaware of copyright laws. My suggestion is a link on your page regarding copyright laws, then there can be no more excuses. Here's a great one: http://library.findlaw.com/1999/Jan/1/241476.html

Afterthought: It seems to me the only reason someone would be mad about you sharing information that would HELP others is because the information you are sharing is incorrect and they never tried to have the content removed to begin with.

She has no reason to be mad. If she wasn't a thief she wouldn't look like a jackass and let's be honest, that's the real issue here. Until she can realize she's the one at fault and this isn't about her, but about YOU and YOUR property, and that you have every right to feel the way you do - you're going to get nowhere.

Try wearing her perfume or dressing like her for awhile. Start talking like her, acting like her... show her how it feels to have your individuality raped.

Text Dumping

Whats the best way to get back at someone who dumps you via text message?
______________

Robin A. says: First of all, you shouldn't be dating a spineless loser who uses texting as a means of main communication. 

Respond with "Thanks and good riddance" and move on.

Within a week send him a picture text of you with your new guy. Include the message "Thanks again!"

*******
Robin C. says: The only thing I can add to that is send a mass message to everyone (and post it on facebook) so everyone can see what a coward he is.

No Means No!

You know those guys that are always saying the "you should leave your man and get with me" crap? How do you turn him down in a way that will shut him the hell up?!?!
_________________________

Robin C. says: Pick your nose and wipe it on his sleeve then say "Okay, let's go."

* * * * *
Robin A. says: If I had a nickel for every time I've been confronted with this dilemma...
A subtle hint concerning an STD might work. Tell him you'll keep him in mind but right now the warts are raging.

Know Your Business

What do you do with a neighbor's dog that keeps coming into your yard to do his business?

Poopsy
_________

Robin C. says:  Put up a headstone that reads "Here rests the last dog that shit in my yard."

* * * * *
Robin A. says:  I suggest Paintballing. Make it fun. Dress in camo, hide low on the porch and wait for the little bastard to come around... then open fire.


Not only will you be rid of the poorly mannered pup, he'll have a colorful new coat to warn off others and I'm pretty sure his owners will get the message.


Use the colors of your favorite team so they know it's from you.

Hates Self and Others

Dear C & C,

I have a friend who is very insecure. Every time we go out (it's everything I can do to get her to go out!) she is always in the bathroom fixing her make up or hair or fiddling with her clothes. If she meets anyone of any dating potential she breaks them down and looks for faults on our ride home.

What can I do to help her not be so critical about herself and others?

Sandy/Chicago
______________________

Robin C. says:  Start agreeing with her. "Yeah, he's a jerk", "Yeah, you look like hell" - eventually she'll start seeing how ridiculous she is being.


Another option is Xanax. :)

* * * * *

Robin A. says: I think you worry about others too much.
She'd be handy to keep around for a Designated Driver.
I say put mirrors all over her place, sit back and watch the show.

Back Talker

My three year old has gone from sweet to obnoxious overnight. Still adorable to look at, but he's such a sass pot that I would sell him to the gypsies. Traditional time outs do nothing, and I fear washing his mouth out with soap will leave our house permanently sudsy. Any suggestions to help him see four?

Sudsy in Seattle
__________________________

Robin A. says: I'll leave this one for Chamomile since I am not a parent and my first thought was pepper tongue. I've seen how that works and it's not pretty.
My next thought was a good stew...
Couldn't you loan him out to friends until this stage has passed?

* * * * *
Robin C. says: Ahhh, the 'threatening threes'. So much worse than the 'terrible twos'. You feel like your talking to yourself, right?

A nice glass of Chardonnay helps, you can even have some too. Since my kids were little, they made spanking a crime - so as a parent, you're pretty screwed. A good whack on the ass was usually enough to smarten mine up.

God said "Spare the rod and spoil the child". The law said "Let them get away with whatever they want, even if it pushes you to the point of driving your car into a telephone pole. This is OUR FUTURE and we wouldn't want them to think they aren't entitled!"

Drink a lot until he hits four. Four is FABULOUS.

The Ex Factor

How do I get my Boyfriends psycho bitch ex wife to move out of his house! She is crazy and WONT effn leave!

Thanks!
Karen, Massachusetts!
___________________

Robin A. says: Wow.

Really?
Is there something wrong with her - you know *points to head* grey matter area?
Ha. There are SO MANY ways to have fun with this I don't know where to start.

The first thing (and the most fun in my opinion) would be LOUD SEX ALL THE TIME. Seriously. As often as possible, whenever she is there and hell, when she's not just because you can. Just be sure to leave signs that the action had taken place in her absence. Kitchen, living room... this is YOUR domain now.

Secondly, why not start leaving rental classifieds under the fridge magnets. Even more fun? Get the alphabet magnets. Subtle "get the hell out" messages and lots of "I love you's" to and from your man will not only get the hint across, but could be a romantic tool for both you and your guy.

Next? Redecorate. Everything. Talk to your boyfriend and ask if he'd be interested, it might make a nice project to work on together which would be even more fun. Start with the bedroom.

Lastly, if being an evil bitch isn't your bag there's always our legal system... which is no fun at all.

* * * * *

Robin C. says: Well, my first thought are a couple of bikers, a burlap bag and a baseball bat.


My second thought is to heavily wax the floor where you know she'll be walking. She slips, she falls, she smacks her head - accidental. ;) Shit happens, right? It's not your fault you are compulsively clean.


My third thought is Florida, duct tape and chloroform. Apparently that shit is okay there. Someone just got a big "thumbs-up" for that.

My final thought is - you move out. What are you doing with a pussy-whipped guy that lets his ex stay there anyway? Why settle for sloppy seconds when there is plenty of fresh beef out there?

Penis-o-plenty my friend.

SWF Syndrome

I have what I call an insane coworker. There is only two of us in the office so avoiding her is not going to happen. I am beginning to think that she has the single white female syndrome. HELP! I don't know how to be "friendly" without it looking like we are friends... any advice is appreciated.

Thanks,
Going Crazy In Saco!
__________________________

Robin A. says: Ahhhh... the old getting close to co-workers without getting close dilemma.
Avoid adding her to social sites or inviting her to social gatherings you attend.
As a matter of fact, the less she knows about you the better. Keep it simple, try to keep your personal information to a minimum. Start talking only about politics and/or religion... that might work. Or do what I do and randomly discuss serial killers, zombies and survivalism. (That's of course if you want to scare them away completely.)
If she wants to blab on about herself, go ahead and let her. It's ok to pretend you're interested but only in moderation, you of course want to remain polite. "Don't ask, don't tell" - let the conversation end with her story and move on. Be conveniently busy, quick comment, back to work.
If all else fails get her a kitten. At least she'll have amusing pictures to share during the workday.
Or... a complimentary loaded gun in her desk drawer for one of her "bad days"....
Problem solved.

* * * * *

Robin C. says: I would just 'out-insane' her. Might I suggest bring a baggie full of dog crap to work and throwing it on her desk? Yell at her "I believe this is yours!" and pretend to see a dog running around the office all the time. A few days of that and I bet your problem would be solved immediately.

Bare Ass Fool

Dear C&C,


I'm just here for the spanking.
_________________________


Robin C. said: Does that mean you are typing this while your ass out? *SLAP

* * * * * *

Robin A. says: HA! Be careful what you wish for.

You realize now that you've asked you'll never get one. I WIN.

Hard Choice

I really like this guy but he lives far away and it is very hard for us to see each other in person. Should I wait for him and continue our relationship long distance? It is very hard some days.


ArmsTooShort
__________________________


Robin C. said: *Gasp!* Of COURSE it's hard! My, my. :) It needs attention and if it gets hard some days, that could be a problem. See, they only have enough blood in the body to operate one thing at a time. When it's hard, he could get dizzy, fall forward and give himself a frontal lobotomy. (Or land in another chick - same thing). I'd stay friends but shop local.

* * * * *

Robin A. says: Well, I need more information. How long is the wait? Is this an internet thing or grown up world? You'd be surprised how many potential mates there are right in your own back yard, so he better be one hell of a Skyper!

If you are spending more time being sad than happy, you already know the answer. If it's simply the distance and nothing more, I suppose you have a wait ahead of you... and if he's great enough to wait for? Send photos. 

How to "WOW"

"So there is this woman I know who loves to drive me crazy but recently we stopped talking. I just started talking to her again but I want to "wow" her. How would you do that?"


Bangless
_________________


Robin C. said: Do you want to wow her in a good way or a bad way?


A good way would be to give her a link to this blog. She'll see right where your heart is (and give us more readers - win, win).


Or anything chocolate. Chocolate is a wow, always.


A bad way would be to 'finger flick' her right between the eyes. Try it out on someone sometime. You flick them and they always seem to say "wow". It's an unexplained phenomenon!


* * * * * 

Robin A. says: What Robin C. said. DO IT.

Then send the chocolates. Preferably with a HAND WRITTEN card or poem.
 
and shoes.
 
diamonds are nice too.
 
If the WOW you're intending is just for sex... fruity flavored condoms, Kama Sutra oils and Led Zeppelin's Physical Graffiti. Trust me.
 
It's the little things. 

Lick count

Dear C & C,


How many licks does it take to get to the middle of a tootsie roll tootsie pop?


Sticky in Miami
_____________

Robin C. says: I find it to be one really hard suck. Robin A.? Your thoughts?
* * * * *
Robin A. says: According to the owl it's three. We will conduct some research and get back to you, be sure to check back!