The Ex Factor

How do I get my Boyfriends psycho bitch ex wife to move out of his house! She is crazy and WONT effn leave!

Thanks!
Karen, Massachusetts!
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Robin A. says: Wow.

Really?
Is there something wrong with her - you know *points to head* grey matter area?
Ha. There are SO MANY ways to have fun with this I don't know where to start.

The first thing (and the most fun in my opinion) would be LOUD SEX ALL THE TIME. Seriously. As often as possible, whenever she is there and hell, when she's not just because you can. Just be sure to leave signs that the action had taken place in her absence. Kitchen, living room... this is YOUR domain now.

Secondly, why not start leaving rental classifieds under the fridge magnets. Even more fun? Get the alphabet magnets. Subtle "get the hell out" messages and lots of "I love you's" to and from your man will not only get the hint across, but could be a romantic tool for both you and your guy.

Next? Redecorate. Everything. Talk to your boyfriend and ask if he'd be interested, it might make a nice project to work on together which would be even more fun. Start with the bedroom.

Lastly, if being an evil bitch isn't your bag there's always our legal system... which is no fun at all.

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Robin C. says: Well, my first thought are a couple of bikers, a burlap bag and a baseball bat.


My second thought is to heavily wax the floor where you know she'll be walking. She slips, she falls, she smacks her head - accidental. ;) Shit happens, right? It's not your fault you are compulsively clean.


My third thought is Florida, duct tape and chloroform. Apparently that shit is okay there. Someone just got a big "thumbs-up" for that.

My final thought is - you move out. What are you doing with a pussy-whipped guy that lets his ex stay there anyway? Why settle for sloppy seconds when there is plenty of fresh beef out there?

Penis-o-plenty my friend.

SWF Syndrome

I have what I call an insane coworker. There is only two of us in the office so avoiding her is not going to happen. I am beginning to think that she has the single white female syndrome. HELP! I don't know how to be "friendly" without it looking like we are friends... any advice is appreciated.

Thanks,
Going Crazy In Saco!
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Robin A. says: Ahhhh... the old getting close to co-workers without getting close dilemma.
Avoid adding her to social sites or inviting her to social gatherings you attend.
As a matter of fact, the less she knows about you the better. Keep it simple, try to keep your personal information to a minimum. Start talking only about politics and/or religion... that might work. Or do what I do and randomly discuss serial killers, zombies and survivalism. (That's of course if you want to scare them away completely.)
If she wants to blab on about herself, go ahead and let her. It's ok to pretend you're interested but only in moderation, you of course want to remain polite. "Don't ask, don't tell" - let the conversation end with her story and move on. Be conveniently busy, quick comment, back to work.
If all else fails get her a kitten. At least she'll have amusing pictures to share during the workday.
Or... a complimentary loaded gun in her desk drawer for one of her "bad days"....
Problem solved.

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Robin C. says: I would just 'out-insane' her. Might I suggest bring a baggie full of dog crap to work and throwing it on her desk? Yell at her "I believe this is yours!" and pretend to see a dog running around the office all the time. A few days of that and I bet your problem would be solved immediately.